It's about thresholds.
With pretty much all foods, there's a breaking point. A point where one more bite is one too many, a line which says 'If you cross me, I'm going to render you physically dysfunctional for the rest of the day. It's up to you.' It's with alarming frequency that I'm punished by culinary excess - first the brain slows, then the physical lethargy sets in, and I know it's not long before I'm going to be reduced to a useless, sofa-bound wreck. I suppose I should learn. Every time I go for that third sandwich I should stop and realise what it's going to do to me. But I can't. Food is Too Great.
With crisps, it's different. The only thing that limits my crisp intake is immediate accessibility. I can and will keep going until there's nothing left - no crumbs, no solitary grains of flavouring, nothing.
I can only imagine that watching me eat crisps is akin to watching a Henry Hoover at work, but with the 'I'm here to help' friendly smile replaced by the wide-eyed, deranged visage of a madman. Nothing will stop me, not even the weary complaints of friends and family that 'the-industrial-sized-bag-of-crisps-I-just-opened-has-already-all-gone-and-I-didn't-get-any-I'm-never-buying-crisps-again-I-actually-can't-believe-you-ate-that-many-so-selfish-etc-etc-etc'. I just can't stop.
I read recently that it takes 20 minutes for a potato to become a Walker's crisp packet, and got to wondering how many packets I could get through in that time. It's an alarming thought. So when I saw that Nick was going cold turkey, I decided to seize the opportunity. (This was quickly followed by waves of panic, insecurity and general confusion, but…I’m sticking with it).
I must admit that when people ask 'Why?!' (the interrobang is seemingly mandatory in asking this question), I'm not sure I have a great answer. It's not really for health reasons - I know that crisps are entirely awful for you, but I’m only going to replace them with biscuits, chocolate, doughnuts, and variations thereon. It’s not financial, because frankly I’m completely happy to piss hundreds of pounds up the wall on crisps as long as it gives me that kick.
Really it’s just to see if I can. It’s the ultimate test of willpower, something which I’m generally not very good at.
So…Let the Great Experiment begin!
ps For the record, my favourite crisps are as follows:
1. Walkers Prawn Cocktail
2. McCoy’s Salt & Vinegar (the stronger the better)
3. Honey BBQ Kettle Chips
4. Quavers
5. Paprika Walkers Max
With pretty much all foods, there's a breaking point. A point where one more bite is one too many, a line which says 'If you cross me, I'm going to render you physically dysfunctional for the rest of the day. It's up to you.' It's with alarming frequency that I'm punished by culinary excess - first the brain slows, then the physical lethargy sets in, and I know it's not long before I'm going to be reduced to a useless, sofa-bound wreck. I suppose I should learn. Every time I go for that third sandwich I should stop and realise what it's going to do to me. But I can't. Food is Too Great.
With crisps, it's different. The only thing that limits my crisp intake is immediate accessibility. I can and will keep going until there's nothing left - no crumbs, no solitary grains of flavouring, nothing.
I can only imagine that watching me eat crisps is akin to watching a Henry Hoover at work, but with the 'I'm here to help' friendly smile replaced by the wide-eyed, deranged visage of a madman. Nothing will stop me, not even the weary complaints of friends and family that 'the-industrial-sized-bag-of-crisps-I-just-opened-has-already-all-gone-and-I-didn't-get-any-I'm-never-buying-crisps-again-I-actually-can't-believe-you-ate-that-many-so-selfish-etc-etc-etc'. I just can't stop.
I read recently that it takes 20 minutes for a potato to become a Walker's crisp packet, and got to wondering how many packets I could get through in that time. It's an alarming thought. So when I saw that Nick was going cold turkey, I decided to seize the opportunity. (This was quickly followed by waves of panic, insecurity and general confusion, but…I’m sticking with it).
I must admit that when people ask 'Why?!' (the interrobang is seemingly mandatory in asking this question), I'm not sure I have a great answer. It's not really for health reasons - I know that crisps are entirely awful for you, but I’m only going to replace them with biscuits, chocolate, doughnuts, and variations thereon. It’s not financial, because frankly I’m completely happy to piss hundreds of pounds up the wall on crisps as long as it gives me that kick.
Really it’s just to see if I can. It’s the ultimate test of willpower, something which I’m generally not very good at.
So…Let the Great Experiment begin!
ps For the record, my favourite crisps are as follows:
1. Walkers Prawn Cocktail
2. McCoy’s Salt & Vinegar (the stronger the better)
3. Honey BBQ Kettle Chips
4. Quavers
5. Paprika Walkers Max
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