Fraternising with the enemy

I think it’s about time I contact the enemy to see what they think about our campaign and see what we can do for each other. Here’s a message I’m sending to as many crisp manufacturers as possible.

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Dear Crisp Manufacturer,

I’m writing to you with details of an exciting promotional opportunity that is sure to generate interest in your delicious products. I’m not a Nigerian with large quantities of money that need transferring out of the country, but merely a crisp addict who’s made the difficult decision to abandon crisps for a year.

That’s right, 365 days without crisps, with two of my colleagues. You can follow our progress here: http://www.365dayswithoutcrisps.blogspot.com. You won’t find a more popular blog about a year-long crisp abstention. ‘So what?’ you might ask. If I’m not buying crisps that means fewer sales. That’s bad, right?

Wrong. For two reasons:

1. The Cosmic Crisp Consumption Quota (CCCQ) - if someone starts eating fewer crisps, someone else will eat more to make up the shortfall. It’s a fascinating but poorly understood phenomenon.

2. Crispageddon - the day when our crisp drought comes to an end and we go mental. It’s here where you come in because at this point a difficult decision will have to be made. What crisps should we eat first? That first packet is bound to be special and could spark off a life-long love affair. It's potentially very lucrative for you.

So my challenge to you is to come up with a reason why we should pick your crisps to celebrate out victorious feat of willpower. Complete the sentence below in less than 50 words:

“The first packet of crisps eaten on Crispageddon should be [name of your crisps here] because...”

We’re asking other major crisp manufacturers to do the same thing, and the entry we judge to be the most humorous, philosophical or just plain spot on the money will be crowned the Official Crispageddon Crisp. It’s a rare honour, so think of all the kudos and publicity, to say nothing of getting one over your competitors.

We’re also raising money for the British Heart Foundation, an organisation that is surely no stranger to unrecovered crisp addicts, so there’s an ethical dimension to our challenge.

I look forward to hearing from you.

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I'll post any responses I get.